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The past few years have been a real rollercoaster and whilst I am all but over, hearing about, talking about and writing about, the Covid pandemic, there is one thing I would like to say.
Whilst fully appreciating and yet putting aside, the trauma, the grief and the fear that this virus that has spread around the world just for a little time.
I take a moment to ponder on the celebration, motivation, and excitement that I anticipate and begin to feel today, as we come through to the beginning of the 3rd year since Covid 19 became a headline.
I feel grateful that I am through it to the beginning of a new year, I feel thankful that although a lot of my family and friends have succumb to the virus in 1 form or another, we are all able to decide to thrive.
I have lost 1 friend to Covid 19 and the sadness of this is very real, however he would not want the fear to set in!
I relish that I knew him, have great memories of him and I have made the decision to live my life to the full.
As he did, never swaying from who he truly was.
"Alex this Blog is in memory of you my friend, a true gentleman, honest with who you were in all your glory, not afraid to be eccentric and authentic, you knew exactly who you were and not scared to show the world.
For this I am truly grateful as he was instrumental in showing me that Authenticity is paramount to Thriving, because knowing who you are lets you live the life you want
A master of the Japanese Tea Ceremony, a Ceramics genius, a friend to all at Borrow Market in London and all those he met wherever he travelled.
I Miss you, Love you and send you light, the world is all the more a wonderful place for the memory of you being here with us "
In memory of Alex, I promise to live my life as if we have no tomorrow, being who I am with all my crazy, quirky, uncompromising weirdness and self loving joy. Seeing, listening to, and appreciating all that I have in my world and moving forward to embrace my dreams, climbing higher a little each and every day to have the life that makes me Thrive.
To Thrive.... What does that mean?
To each person that will mean something totally different, the importance here is to find out what it means for you!
Take away the voices and opinions of others, they do not matter here.
Take away what has been in the past, in your world, your life as that too does not matter here.
Take away what is written, spoken, advised, recommended and guided by others, this does not matter here either!
What matters here is You and only you.
Yes - if you share your life with others you may want to take in consideration how your life of Thriving may affect them, however what you want here, is that you and only you is the priority.
If you wish to shift some things a little to the left or right to ensure those you love are included in your world of the new Thriving you, then of course you must do this.
But it is not about shifting so much to accommodate them, that you forget your main goal of thriving yourself.
Once you have worked through the steps of looking at your options, making your plan and putting together your goals.
When you know where it is you are going.
Once you have tick that box (imagined or on a Vision Board or list ) that shows you are committed to Thriving in 2022 and beyond, then and only then, sit with them and let them know your plan, fill them in on the outline or bring them into the fold of your goal if you need their support here.
Remember Recourses to complete a goal, include the people in your life that are here to support you.
Support comes in the form of acceptance, motivation, love, understanding and non-judgment.
If those you wish to share this with are not able to offer Support in these ways, then maybe it's best not to share with them your goals and plans right now.
Some people may need to see proof that something is working before they can offer acceptance of new things / ways /options.
They may need time to be the support you need. But remember this is about what you need right now.....
I am not saying keep secrets or not be truthful, however I am saying only your desires and wants are important here at the beginning of this process.
Once you have begun working on them and only at the time that you feel strong enough and committed, to continue on the path to reaching your goal. Then share if you are able to listen to their comments, judgements and opinions without loosing sight of your importance.
If for any reason you are unable to bring those close to you, into this plan and you would like support, join a vision board group, or my private members Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/213346110864067 , a small group coaching program, a 1 on 1 coaching package, or alternatively find 1 friend/family member who you are able to ask for non-judgmental support from.
I say ask for non-judgmental support and often I hear
" gosh - couldn't ask that of my friend they would be hurt"
My response here is simple, if you explain something that is very important to you, to a dear friend and ask them if they are able to support you on it without judgment.
You may need to explain that because this is some thing that you really want you need them to keep their judgement to them selves for your sake whilst you work through it.
I would almost guarantee that the dear friend would be happy to do so, because they understand you and want what you want for yourself, no matter how they feel about it.
Concern and advise here, may not be judgement, they may give this, however they understand and continue to support you even if you decide to listen to, but ignore their advice.
If they are not willing to do this, then the tough choice that is yours alone may need to be...
Is that dear friend really the dear friend you think they are? Or are you their dear friend and they your habit, or visa versa?
Thriving in life, can at times require us to be brutal about who we spend our time with.
If someone has been in our lives for a long time they can without even realising it or often without meaning to, have just become a habit, 1 that no longer serves us or truthfully them either, anymore.
We outgrow our clothes as we grow and sometimes we also outgrow our friends and Family... This is Ok.. Tough but ok!
Both parties can be so caught up in being loyal, or duty bound that neither sees the relationship for what it is / has become, a convenience but unhealthy relationship...
Cutting out friends and acquaintances, colleagues and at times even family is extremely difficult, often this difficulty comes from putting their feelings and emotions over our own.
The whole point of deciding to THRIVE in life, is that we must reverse this and put our feelings and emotions 1st above all to enable our growth and feelings of healthy happiness.
The hardest thing I have ever done, and yet the best thing (although I did not realise it at the time) was walk away from my very dysfunctional family at the age of 22.
As a new Mum at the time, I decided that there were elements within my inner and extend family that I did not want in my daughters life, as they did not match my personal values.
Over a few years I mellowed a little, as I became a more confident mother, however when I did, it was not a positive, nor healthy relationship for me, my husband or our children.
So at the age of 36 and now a mother of 2 daughters - I broke away completely. It was only very recently that I have reconnected with 2 *of my brothers
*(Footnote - after a year I have again stepped away from 1 of those brothers as although I love him dearly his life style and way of thinking are so far from mine that it became very hard to chat with him, his negativity and judgmental attitude was exhausting ..... I love him, send him and his family love and light and move one once again) Gosh families can be hard and it hurts everytime, however taking care of my mental health is my priority here)
I moved countries, made a whole new life and family and began my life of Thriving.
Now I am not saying this to ask you to be so dramatic with your Culling.
(gosh that sounds such a harsh word! but at this moment I cannot think of another that describes just how important this step is - Culling in order to Thrive .... mmmm )
Walking away from those people who do not give you the Love, Emotional and Physical health, a thriving Mindset or emotional intelligence that you deserve and need, is up there in the top 3 things to do to be your own best friend and ensure that your life is one of
Thriving Not Just Surviving
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Emotional Intelligence - what and how do we manage that?
We are not born to survive, Thriving is our entitlement, it's not a luxury that only the wealthy can or should relish in, but it does, like anything worthwhile, or sustainable take some work.
You must decide that you want it, Know that your are entitled to it and put in the work to keep it flourishing. It sounds like hard work doesn't it, but I promise you that the benefits are wonderful, in your relationship with yourself and with others.
So you plant a seed, you water it, ensure it gets some sunshine and healthy soil .
You may even talk to it or play it some music, you protect it from predators or threats.
Build it some shade when needed and a supporting frame.
In a little time, not over night! You are rewarded with a plant, a beautiful flower, some food or food for your pets or livestock, some shade on a hot day or an area to play games or chill with a book.
000h "Me-Time" - who knew that planting a seed was important for some Me-Time!?
But more about that another time.....
Back to the subject at hand...
It took time, love, patience, commitment and some hard work.
Just like this seed, your Emotional Intelligence will be the reward of time and work.
The reward you will get is a life of Thriving, Joy and a sense of purpose and well being.
Emotional Intelligence is -
The definition in the Oxford Dictionary - the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. "emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success"
Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
When it comes to happiness and success in life, EQ matters.
The ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
The theory of emotional intelligence was introduced by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer in the 1990s, and further developed and brought to the lay public by Daniel Goleman. The concept, also known as emotional quotient or EQ, has gained wide acceptance.
ref: Psychology Today Australia
Learn how you can boost your emotional intelligence, build stronger relationships, and achieve your goals.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals.
It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.
4 areas if supported and built upon, that will result in a healthier EQ are:
Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Self-awareness – You recognise your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and are aware of your self-confidence levels and therefore able to build on them.
Social awareness – You have empathy for others but most importantly for yourself. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognise the power dynamics in a group or organisation.
Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict. This is an area for both external relationship and the one with yourself. Understanding your triggers, your emotions and supporting / working with instead of against them.
We cover this area in depth during our "More Than a Mother "
a 12 week program - finding out who you are now that the kids have left home.
However to get you started on your journey the following probing questions may get you thinking about what you need to start working on, to give yourself the
FREEDOM TO THRIVE
how important are you?
Inside your mind when you talk to yourself,
In the world as a whole
In the world of your partner or Spouse?
In the world of your kids?
In the world of your employer or staff?
In the world or your neighbours and friends?
How much importance do you put, on these different areas / people in your life?
How do you prioritise each of these areas or people, in the overall thinking of your position in their lives?
Where are your opinions, on that list of priorities?
Without asking these people directly, write down what you assume, think, believe is the answer to these questions from their point of perspective about you.
It is amazing how much truth we add to our assumptions and beliefs.
Where is the proof of what we assume?
Are your beliefs different today than they were last year?
Do you know what you top 3 personal values are?
If you ask one of the people above the same question about your importance to them in their world, after you do this exercise on your own, does their answer differ from yours?
Did you love your answers?
Are there any that you would like to look into deeper?
Are there any that you would like to improve or change?
Have a great day exploring , Be kind to yourself, keep exploring who you are, you are not the girl you were at 16, the woman you were at 30.. or even who you were a year ago
Who are you today? Do you Love her?
I truly hope so, but if not...
Why not?
Having the freedom to thrive comes from knowing your place in the world.
This knowledge comes from knowing yourself and not from knowing what others think of, want of, or need of you. It does not come from trying to be the girl you used to be either.
Lotsa Love
Cherie
Happy New Year Ladies.... If you close your eyes and spend 5 minutes looking forward to this time next year, what will you be saying to yourself, pop your response in the comments below....here's to making 2022 yours!
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